i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
