If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We have started to decorate penises.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
