AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
