ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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