dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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