honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
