you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
