My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
