You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
