just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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