i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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