Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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