I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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