Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
