I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
