just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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