there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
