for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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