its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
