brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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