I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
