your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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