Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
