it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There r osticjed everywhere
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
