Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
