Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
