I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
