I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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