The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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