I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
