I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
