My hair reeks of homosexuality.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
