I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
