just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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