You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
