he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
