I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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