You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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