So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
