Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
