so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
