Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
