singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
