do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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