Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
her vagine was all disorganized.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
