Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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