my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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