I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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