I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
