I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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