FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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