Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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