Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
