I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
