TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
